She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
