i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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