paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
