My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
