Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
