my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
