I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
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No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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