it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
