So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
