apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
