You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
