I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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