My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
