I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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