I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
