he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
