he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
