Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
