the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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