kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
worst night to have a conscience
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
