I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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