based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
