Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
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When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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