i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
