New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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