im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
