Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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