He is an equal opportunity slut.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
