umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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