i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
