I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
