Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
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What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
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Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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