Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
