I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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