So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
