Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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