I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
