everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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