I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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