I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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