your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
