I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
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He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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