I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
