haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
