Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
how does that bad decision feel?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
