I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
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Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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