if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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