Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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