Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
