I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
