There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
