So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
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Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
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I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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