Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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