i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
