Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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