I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
