You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
