I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
