I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
