Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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