I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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