if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
