if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
